BWotW: Random Facts about Kou

Originally posted on May 15th, 2010 on Big Words on the walls… Some things don’t apply anymore of course, but Yeah…
These are some a bit unknown true facts about me (Volume 1) 25 facts to start with:

  1. I WISH UNICORNS AND MERMAIDS WERE REAL.
  2. CHANGES SCARE THE HELL OUT OF ME
  3. I THINK TACKY TASTELESS MOVIES LIKE SHOWGIRLS AND JENNIFER’S BODY ARE SO AMAZINGLY GOOD IN AN UNCONVENTIONAL WAY.
  4. I READ GALA DARLING LIKE IT’S GOING OUT OF STYLE… HTTP://GALADARLING.COM/
  5. I DEEPLY ENJOY TALKING AT NIGHT.
  6. CONTRARY TO EVERYONE’S BELIEFS, I DO LIKE LADY GAGA, BUT I AM NOT CRAZY OVER HER!
  7. I HATE MISTER/MISSES-KNOW-IT-ALL’S
  8. ONE OF MY FAVORITE ENGLISH WORDS IS “IMPROMPTU”
  9. A LOT OF THE THINGS THAT HAPPEN IN MY LIFE, HAPPEN OUT OF MERE WILL.
  10. I HATE ARGUING…. FOR ANY SAKE…
  11. I THINK ALL THE DISNEY PRINCESS DOLLS ARE SO UNDERWHELMING
  12. DEMI LOVATO MAKES ME THINK OF MY MOM…
  13. I LIKE BEING ON SG MAINLY BECAUSE OF THE GROUPS.
  14. I ADORE KITTENS. PERIOD. THERE’S NOTHING LEFT TO SAY. I JUST ADORE THEM AND COULD CUDDLE THEM ON A DAILY BASIS.
  15. MOST OF MY FRIENDS ARE LONG TIME FRIENDS.
  16. I GO ‘MONICA’ OVER ANY BOARDGAME. #TRUEFACT
  17. I HALLUCINATE. CONSTANTLY.
  18. PEOPLE NEVER REALIZES I AM VERY FRAGIL, I IN FACT CRY SUPER EASILY CAUSE I GET OVERWHELMED WITH EMOTIONS, INSECURITY, FEAR, LOVE, HAPPINESS, JOY AND SADNESS. I FIND THIS TERRIBLY ANNOYING AND I PREFER TO HOLD IT MAINLY ON THE FEAR OF BEING ANNOYING TO OTHERS TOO.
  19. I CAN’T STAND 90’S CARTOON POP ANIMATION.
  20. MY E-MAIL ACTUALLY HAS A STORY BEHIND IT, BUT PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE SEEMS TO ASUME I LOVE THE MOON OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT
  21. I HATE BEING FORCED TO READ SOMETHING THAT EVEN THOUGH BEING INTERESTING I JUST ‘DON’T FEEL LIKE READING RIGHT NOW’
  22. I ABSOLUTELY ADMIRE CHLOE RICE HTTP://ITSCHLOE.COM/
  23. SLEEPING ALONE MAKES ME EERIE, BUT I CAN ONLY SLEEP WITH PEOPLE I TRUST.
  24. I AM OBSESSED OVER SPIRALS. I HAVE A SPIRAL CHAIR…

 

 

BWotW: Weeks, Years…

Originally written on Big Words on the Walls, October 3rd, 2010:

These last few weeks I’ve been feeling not quite myself. As if I was anyone to begin with.

Last week I took part of this documentary project about suicide and self-aggression. Cathartic, yet not… A lot of open wounds left open and bleeding, a lot of sadness. I had a recorded interview and was photographed for about 4 hours.  It left me exhausted, happier yet sadder. That’s life

I am bored.

Today, I’ve been cleaning my bedroom in Leon. I found these notebooks I wrote for myself back in junior high full with notes, descriptions, events and stuff. There are about 12 or 13 of them, all of them telling the story of how I became what I became then, and what I swore myself to never became again. Letters and notes, countless of writing relating how I used to behave, how I used to think, how others used to visualize me and attempted to save me from my own doom as if I needed them to save me.

I was a loon and as soon as I got out I promised myself to never go back. I swore myself I would never, ever, ever be that girl, and I would never ever ever let the thoughts win over me again, no matter how constant they were, and I would never ever ever think about it. And it was all long forgotten. But it wasn’t.

I tried living with the vertigo as if it was the fear of falling, instead of the desire to throw yourself out there.

That’s why I write here. Cause I know the outcome, and even though I refuse to become someone elses redemption, I still demand my own redemption…

I Ended up substituting 7 years of paper writing with 7 years of online ephimeral writing. I never had to own it up as I was still the anonymous writer of those sorrowful words. I filled my life with fanfiction and Angels, and Girls of red eyes as red as their head and dreams as It meant salvation and chance. As it meant belonging.

But lately…

There are no more angels, no red girls, and it’s been years since the last time I cared about fanfiction…

I don’t have words or things or anything to keep me stucked in this place. I don’t have anything to tie me onto, so I don’t disappear. I’m going to float any moment soon…

And nothing is going to stop it, as I see…

BWotW: Moment .

Originally posted on Big Words on the Walls, on May 3rd, 2010

. Pinto Stallion . blue . signal . DH&H . notebook . letter . english . uneasy . hats, hats, hats . Pinto Stallion (gotta repeat that one) . hand blender . eggnog . nails . anxiety . pills and pills . bag on the floor . holding my left thumb . deep red circus (you know) . ruled paper . uneasiness (as it’s not going) . Tuna . cinco de maio (as americas would pronounce) . red flower on the head . depression outlet . match point . SG . Jihen . GaGa . sleeeeeepy . how awesome is it to watch Rocko’s modern life and read on the credits Jeff “Swampy” Marsh, and think of how Dan Povenmire and him met while working on Rocko, and now, Years later created Phineas and Ferb? . The pronunciation of Phineas in English . They could be witches. Some evil witches. W-which is ridiculous, cause witches they were prosecuted, the wicca is good, they love the earth, the woman power… I’ll be over here… . Remembering ‘Once more with Feeling’ . Thinking Buffy . Angie . Hello with nano bots . Pinto Stallion!!!!! . Planning . Te interview I had with Shiricki from HTTP://KYAA.BIZ, HTTP://ANGELIC-TRUST.NET andHTTP://DEWANDA.COM will be published by HTTP://ELESPEJISMO.COM very, very soon . Moth . Hellstar Remina came out TODAY . Cliffhanger . sigh . bed . sad . stressed out . sigh . bye

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