The Wish Room: Horror and the Pony

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I am a closet horror-reader. I say I don’t like it, and to be perfectly honest, I get scared easily, but as with almost anyone who is into the genre, I find it alluring and fascinating in ways I can’t scape.

Last year I became acquainted with Christopher Bloodworth thanks to Sixpenceee’s tumblr, and I devoured all the initial No Sleep collection in a day. I have to admit I had trouble sleeping after The Soul Game, but overall, I loved every story in the collection (If you’re interested in reading them, consider this a Trigger Warning for just about anything you can consider Triggering).

Anyway, a while back I found out he was releasing a novel named The Wish Room, and I had to read it. Well, my babes, I finished it last night.

*There might be spoilers ahead, so… yeah, you know*
The Wish Room is the story of a married couple, Nora and Harold, they move to a new house in a new city, trying to leave the struggles they faced together in the past and start all over again. Everything looks quite promising until they find a closet they can’t open. Eventually strange things begin to happen straining their relationship. They start being consumed by obsessions they develop, until they are broken down. As you can expect, they ultimately open the closet, and things go bad… or worst for that matter.

Last night, as I finished reading, I wrote a short review about it on Goodreads, based on a couple of questions my boyfriend asked about the book and my perception of it. I wrote about how the stories that scare me the most are the ones that speak about my fears, and this one is like that. I may have mention this before, but I am quite scared of the dark, and since the story develops a lot through the darkness and dark spaces, it made me feel constantly uneasy.

And that’s the thing with Christopher Bloodworth’s stories, they make you feel like that, they disturb you and make you think of the horrible things you didn’t want to imagine, but they leave you wanting more, you need to know more, you need to find out what happens; and of course, The Wish Room is no exception…

Even though at the end you understand how it all happened, and why it happened within the limits of their story, there’s bigger “why” that still lingers, a deeper questioning that makes me want to know more. You never really understand why is the closet like that, why does it inspire the obsessions and violence it inspires; but when you think about it, it doesn’t really matter all that much. The closet is what it is, and hopefully, we will eventually get to see it on a different story.

After all, there’s a faint connection to Handbook for a Teenage Antichrist. And just guess what I’m going to start reading next.

Firma

Welcome to Night Vale… And my thoughts.

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A friendly desert community where the sun is hot, the moon is beautiful, and mysterious lights pass overhead while we all pretend to sleep.

For a while I kind of refused to write about this, ’cause, I am aware that there’s a huge fan base, and even though I guess I am part of several fandoms, I refuse to get involved in fan-conversations… Unless It’s Sailor Moon or Utena, cause there is a lot to talk about on those…

Anyway, I think I’ve mentioned before that around this time last year I got really into Welcome to Night Vale, and I even posted a weather song that I was really into back then.

Welcome to Night Vale is a Podcast narrating the adventures and misadventures of Night Vale, a town in the middle of the American Desert, a Town where (To quote something I might have read somewhere a long time ago) “all conspiracy theories are real”, Is the government controlling our thoughts? Yes they are. Did a certain celebrity fake their death and is living now a low-key life? Out in the open! Are mountains real? Oh honey, of course not! Is the government spying on our conversations? Speak louder to your nearest door knob so they can hear better! And of course, All Hail The Glow Cloud!

Night Vale is a mix of comedy and horror. A relatable Dystopia, to give it a name.

Last year I decided to read the Novel (yes, there’s a novel) and it quickly became one of my favorite books, not only of the year, but in general.

The novel deals with Diane Crayton and Jackie Fierro, residents of Night Vale, as they try to uncover a mystery that, you don’t know, (but yes, you know) has been ever-present in the story since pretty much the beginning. To say it differently, you get to know what’s the deal with The Man in the Tan Jacket  It generally has a different tone and narrative than the usual podcasts. I’m not going to spoil the story for you guys, give it a read, or even better, listen to the podcast, and then read the novel.

Anyway, after reading the novel, I decided it was time to listen to the podcast from scratch again, and so I did, and while doing it I started noticing how well constructed the whole story is, not just in the sense of the podcast, but also, how well intertwines with the narrative in the novel, how everything traces back to the very beginning.

I don’t know guys. Last week I received my printed copy on the mail, and I felt this strange nostalgia, cause I really wanted to read it again. To say the book is strange is an understatement, however, given that the book deals a lot with family relationships, I felt it so close to my heart. So close. I could see my mother reflected on  Diane Crayton, and even sometimes myself in Jackie.

Night Vale has this thing, this amazing eloquence to explain things that are normally so difficult to put into words, in such a clear and relatable way, ideas so clearly composed that unambiguously narrate the most intrusive thought… The feelings that closely encompasses the void that comes with human existence, put out there in simple words…

And I guess that’s what I’m trying to say… A Town with mystical properties such as Night Vale, speaks so deeply to me, cause, its residents, even those who are forever 19, are deeply, deeply human… doing the best they can with their circumstances…

Just read it guys… or Listen to it…

 

Firma

The wording of the universe

“Life, happens when you’re making plans, flying high and shaking hands; the song will write you, you don’t write it. I didn’t mean to fall in love, this rhythm that created us. I was running, we collided…”

This is the first original post I’ve written in about 3 months, the rest have been either songs, or repost with commentary; and yes, I am aware that this includes a song, but I intend to write more than just that. My life has been eventful to say the least, and there’s a lot I could tell you, but I’m going to be very selective about what I share with you guys, not because I don’t want to share, but because I  want to keep some things for myself. Still, my life remains not at all interesting, guys… But I’m going to update you on all things, pony-wise.

  • My mom got a dog, her name is Chewie as in Chewbacca. She’s adorable and tiny. I’m not really into dogs (You’re talking to a cat lady here) but that baby is adorable to say the least, and I’m literally dying over her. I’ll make sure to post a picture of her very, very soon.

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  • We moved into a new House, Everything is still a little too messy, and every times I try to do a little, there’s more and more and more left to do. I think two more weeks and I’ll be done with this. But let me tell you guys, the new house is looking good.
  • A few weeks ago I got a surgery, I had my gallbladder removed. I am all fine now, but still recovering I guess. I was told I was going to be able to go back into my life in two weeks (True) but I would still feel tired and in pain for a couple of months (Also true) So I am in that second stage now.
  • Next week a friend is coming to visit. He’s not just visiting me, he has a lot of things to do in the city, but it’s going to be super nice to get a chance to see him again.

IG

  • Lately I’ve been so into Instagram, it has become my main social network, in fact, I am almost sure that most of the people who check this place, do so because they find the link on my Insta account, so if for some reason you’re into what I post, check it out and follow me!

Filos

  • You know this already (Because of course you do) I got into the Planner Community, and I really think I’ve found my niche. I think I’ve never felt more at peace and more accepted on a community as I feel in the Planner Community; as with everything, I’ve seen things I don’t entirely relate to (More on that on future posts), but in general, I feel so connected. So thank you, Planner Girls (for some reason, we’re only -or mainly- girls).

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  • I’m saying this, with no intent of getting too deep into it, but I am in a relationship. I am with someone I love deeply, and I care a lot about this person. I don’t really want to tell much, cause… quite honestly, I don’t feel too comfortable; this is ours only. I have the feeling none of us want to really talk about it outside of, well, us. But we’re ok. We’re fine. I’m loving this, guys, he is just amazing. Aren’t you happy for me?

So, that’s it, ponies, I’m going to try to come and do a bit more of real blogging, not just random updates on my life every few months. I swear I have about 10 drafts, but for many reasons, I never got around actually finishing any, mainly because I had things I needed to get out of my system, and now that they’re out, I can go back to actually blogging and you guys can go back to expecting posts.

“With you, I found a new way to live, I see an alternative. Now we started, we can’t stop it. I, I didn’t mean to fall in love, last thing I was thinking of was you and me but, we collided…”

Love, ponies and other lovely things,

Firma

The Future starts slow

This song makes me think of you. You already know it, cause I shared it with you like a week ago or something…

It kind of reminds me of what I told you last week, about dragging me to hell and all.

Whatever, I’m an over sharer, but I actually don’t want to share this, so I really don’t want to talk about it, at least not here, but it’s just, a lot of things have been so “you-centric” and I’m enjoying it…

I know this is not the regular channel, but it’s pretty awesome to have you in my life.

And this song is actually great and I can’t stop listening to it, which is a good change considering what I normally listen to…

Writing here, even something that doesn’t make much sense, makes me feel good and in touch with myself.. Idk…

But I’ll never give you up, if I ever give you up
My heart will surely fail…

Firma

BWotW: Weeks, Years…

Originally written on Big Words on the Walls, October 3rd, 2010:

These last few weeks I’ve been feeling not quite myself. As if I was anyone to begin with.

Last week I took part of this documentary project about suicide and self-aggression. Cathartic, yet not… A lot of open wounds left open and bleeding, a lot of sadness. I had a recorded interview and was photographed for about 4 hours.  It left me exhausted, happier yet sadder. That’s life

I am bored.

Today, I’ve been cleaning my bedroom in Leon. I found these notebooks I wrote for myself back in junior high full with notes, descriptions, events and stuff. There are about 12 or 13 of them, all of them telling the story of how I became what I became then, and what I swore myself to never became again. Letters and notes, countless of writing relating how I used to behave, how I used to think, how others used to visualize me and attempted to save me from my own doom as if I needed them to save me.

I was a loon and as soon as I got out I promised myself to never go back. I swore myself I would never, ever, ever be that girl, and I would never ever ever let the thoughts win over me again, no matter how constant they were, and I would never ever ever think about it. And it was all long forgotten. But it wasn’t.

I tried living with the vertigo as if it was the fear of falling, instead of the desire to throw yourself out there.

That’s why I write here. Cause I know the outcome, and even though I refuse to become someone elses redemption, I still demand my own redemption…

I Ended up substituting 7 years of paper writing with 7 years of online ephimeral writing. I never had to own it up as I was still the anonymous writer of those sorrowful words. I filled my life with fanfiction and Angels, and Girls of red eyes as red as their head and dreams as It meant salvation and chance. As it meant belonging.

But lately…

There are no more angels, no red girls, and it’s been years since the last time I cared about fanfiction…

I don’t have words or things or anything to keep me stucked in this place. I don’t have anything to tie me onto, so I don’t disappear. I’m going to float any moment soon…

And nothing is going to stop it, as I see…

Big words on the walls

Captura de pantalla 2015-04-13 a la(s) 23.09.08

A long time ago, there were these blogs named spaces by Microsoft, I loved them with a passion, but for some reason they ended up closing, and offered to move your content to WordPress. I did. And I just bumped into this jewels of an old-time me.

Oh, boy, I was a little idiot back then. I’m going to reproduce things I find there, for amusement and to remember.

First, an introduction of myself

My name is Tomie Kourai (It still is), That is a name I’ve chosen for myself. I am about to turn 25 (almost 5 years ago), and just figuring out what I want to do with my life (still am, I guess). I am a single child from a divorced mom, I have a boyfriend I deeply love (Pff… the boyfriend is done and dusted), I enjoy the whole learning process, and sometimes life is a burden. I’ve been involved in self-destructive behaviors for about 13 years (Bad habits are hard to die), I sometimes recover, and sometimes relapse (Still do). I have problems coping with reality. I don’t eat fruits, My best creative work comes out to life at night and I was once on a hospital for depressive anorexia. I tend to mock my own life. I like to write on both Ingles & Spanish (OMG, what a pretentious little idiot I was to write it like this). I love myself, but I have some huge insecurities I am working on. I am usually a very happy person despite what this brief introduction may lead you to think.

I wrote a lot, I wrote extensively about my time struggling with suicide and depression (sorry if you didn’t know, now you know) and many other things that went through my head. Right now that I have a little more time, I think I am going to cross post some things that are half decent.

It was fun finding this. There’s so so much I had forgotten.

Firma

Using Clear to manage my expenses

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Clear is an App for iOS, if I am correct, it’s about $4.99, but those are the best I’ve spent in the AppStore. I have the app synchronized in both my iPad and iPhone,but even though you can have it on the Mac, I don’t really use it there.

Anyway, Clear is an app to make lists, and that on itself sounds pretty simple. I’ve used it in many different ways, as a “Books to read” and “Books to buy”, as a “Shopping list” and my favorite, as my “Monthly expenses”. All of these are basically lists with different purposes, and with a different rotation.

I’ve been using this system to keep control of my finances, of the bills I have to pay, and in general the money I have left to spare. It may be very simple, but now, I’m going to show you how to do it!

First of all, I get paid bi-monthly, so I log all of my monthly expenses along with their corresponding amount , and then, I cross the ones that I am planning on taking care of during the second part of the month.

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After this, I am left with the list of my current expenses. I can write reminders for each one, so I can remember the day I need to pay for them. Just be careful, cause if you’re planning on recycling the list for every month , the reminders will not reset. You have two options, 1- you reset them every time, or 2- don’t use them, and instead order your expenses by how urgent they are for you.

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What I always try to do is take care of everything as soon as possible, and then everything that’s left is mine to spend as I want. Once an element is covered, I swipe it to the right, it gets crossed, and moved to my inactive list.

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After the first part of the month comes by, I go back to my crossed elements, and swipe them to the right and bring them back to my active list. Once there, I sort them again and it starts again.

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This is basically it. It may be really simple, but it has helped me a lot to take control of my expenses. Also, one of the things that I really like about this app, is that you can use the colors to indicate the importance of the item.

I hope it helps you!!

Firma

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