Love List for the Ponicorn Soul: Asylum, Utena, Journaling and more

Love-list-negro

Things have happened in my life in recent weeks, good and bad. I don’t think I’ll ever say much about the bad things (if I ever do at all) But let’s focus on the good ones, shall we? It’s been a while since the last time I actually did one of this, so let’s take it as a general update on my life.

  • I have more books and I actually became level 2 shopper at my local bookstore (that means, I get double the points for my purchases, which is good cause I can change them for more books, which is how I got Lena Dunham’s Not that kind of girl)
  • Speaking of books, I’m reading Asylum by Madeleine Roux, which is actually a big issue for me. I have a big problem with fear, and being easily scared, so reading this book, as absurd as it may sound, it’s actually a huge accomplishment for me, cause I am kind of exposing myself to something that scares me, and trying to control my responses. Those of you who might have read Asylum, maybe thinking I’m over reacting and the book is not as scary, and you may be right, but you guys don’t understand my struggle and how big of a deal this is for me; so I’m happy and all.
  • I know I have not really been here actively writing, but I’ve been Journaling a lot. I am actually holding two journals, my permanent one, and a journal on the go. I’ve been using my permanent Journal for a while now (picture below) It’s a regular hard cover notebook that I decorated and since I feel it is so personal, I really don’t think I’ll stop using it anytime soon. However, a week ago, I found a notebook that I really liked and I decided to use it as an On-the-go journal trying to document some thought and emotions I’ve been experiencing.

journal

  • Instagram! I’ve been a lot on Instagram lately! I’ve met some amazing people there, and it has help me get more into the Filofaxing/Journaling community. A long, long time ago, I read an article on Hello Giggles called How Scrapbooking stopped me from running away, and it really resonated with me, cause for a long time in my teenage years I kind of used my journals as scrapbooks, time passed, I started blogging and I eventually stopped using them at all. Now that I am into Filofaxing, I can tell you that it has a little bit of scrapbooking to it and I’m really enjoying it.

10469676_10152562612319257_4871913474669510016_n

  • Utena! I recently re-watched Utena with a friend and yes, I know I always say I love it and it’s one of my favorite animes ever, but now that I finally re-watched from start to end, I can very clearly remember why. It’s so amazing!! I don’t really like to talk too much about it here, but if you feel compelled to watch it and get your mind blow while you try to understand what is going on, be my guess, you won’t regret it at all.
  • I’m thinking about changing this site a bit. I’m not even sure, it comes and goes. For a while I thought I wanted to make some posts private cause I kinda wanted to hide things from my sight, then I figured I didn’t really care that much for it, but I wanted to change the general feeling of the site, so I don’t know. I might be changing things around soon. The least I can say is that it’s been in my head for a while, so it’s quite possible that it will happen.
  • Paleo Diet! For the last couple of weeks I’ve been trying to clean my eating habits, I’ve talked about it before, but candies and sweets are a big problem for me, so much that I always feel addicted to them, so, a couple of weeks ago, I decided to cut them from my life, and start eating a little better. So far it’s been 29 days since the last time I ate candies (I’ve had sweets from time to time, like birthdays and unavoidable situations) and I’m really happy. I’m trying to eat mostly paleo, but it’s really hard cause I have a Selective Eating Disorder that affects my consumption of fruits, so there’s that. But I’m not whipping myself because of it, I’m trying to actually enjoy it and all.
  • Guys, I seriously can’t stop listening to Chandelier. Send help.

I’m sure there are more updates my babes, but I’ll try to come back sooner to make actual posts about it, rather than lists with chunks of information.

Love,

Firma

P.S. Did you see Katy Parry tonight at the Super Bowl? Girl!!!! and Missy Elliot?? Amazing ladies being Amazing!!!

Habits

I spent my days locked in a haze trying to forget you babe…

I know…

One of the things I promised myself I would try to avoid here was complaining and taking pity on myself… I can be a very negative person, and I struggle every single day with this. I never intended to bring that here, and to this day, I still try not to do it. Sometimes I can. Sometimes I can’t.

I constantly let music speak for me. I get obsessed with songs, some depict my feelings, some just depict a thoughts, and at times it gets really hard to figure it out.

I try not to over analyze.

Tove-lo-habits

Last year around this I was very depressed. I was feeling sad and empty. I was drifting away. And even though I am way better  right now, I still have issues to work through… We’ll see..

Firma

Grown ups who listen to Ke$ha

My friend Itzel and I are Grown ups who listen to Ke$ha… We go out, we go shopping, and live alone or with roommates, we have plans, and we get involved in absurdly complicated relationships that we love to dissect in our conversations.

We go out and have dinner pretty much every Saturday, we have long conversations in English (out mother language is Spanish), we are loud, we sometimes drink a little and we take selfies every time, cause every single time is a celebration of our friendship.

And for reasons way too varied, we listen to Ke$ha as a sort of bonding experience that allows us to be ourselves, grown ups, yet, youthful… or so we think, cause, c’mon, it’s Ke$ha…

But Ke$ha is awesome…

Firma

How Paper Towns Changed Me…

Whose art is this?

Whose art is this?

I guess It’s not a secret I am a John Green Fan. I bought Looking for Alaska about a year ago, and before I even had the chance to read it, I started The Fault in Our Stars and I was doomed.

That book ruined me for other books. It ruined me so much, I hadn’t even recovered from it.

But about a week ago I read Paper Towns. I have so many mixed feelings, I feel happy and sad, and overwhelmed. But what a magnificent book.

I’ve followed John Green everywhere I am capable of (that is to say, I do follow some of his tumblrs, but no all of them). He even has a specific tumblr dedicated to answering questions about Looking for Alaska, and one of his answers struck me as a lightening:

Books Belong to Their Readers

If books belong to their readers, Paper Towns is about my absolute inability to see others, to see past my imagination… I am encased in this person, I can’t see beyond myself…

And I am not even sure if it’s sad, or incredibly liberating…

Firma

Certainties…

A long time ago, while talking about The Dark Knight, somebody told me that the reason he found Heath Ledger’s Joker to be such a great and unsettling character was mainly because the character on itself messes with one’s idea of certainty with the way he states about 3 different stories  to explain his scars.

We’re used to characters being truly honest or truly deceitful, or at least have “no return” points where they truly become one or the other. We’re used to seeing black and white, but grey is unsettling.

The Joker is a good metaphor for the current state of my life. It’s not that I am afraid of the things I am going through, or that I am refusing to go through there, honestly been there, done that; but it’s just that the circumstances are different, and somehow, all of my certainties are messed. The things I once thought to be real, and true, and forever, have proven that are not. Nothing is set. Nothing has ever been set. And nothing will ever be. It’s done and dusted, and to be quite honest with you guys, I am sure I am the executioner.

You know what I’ve noticed? Nobody panics when things go “according to plan.” Even if the plan is horrifying! If, tomorrow, I tell the press that, like, a gang banger will get shot, or a truckload of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics, because it’s all “part of the plan.” But when I say that one little old mayor will die, well then everyone loses their minds! Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I’m an agent of chaos. Oh, and you know the thing about chaos? It’s fair!

A few weeks ago, a friend and I were remembering this little speech The Joker gives to Harvey Dent. That is the grey, and I can totally see it as the chaos I am yet to face and fully become acquainted with. I can tell you guys that the only thing I am certain of, is that I don’t have a plan.

And I am waiting to.

Firma

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