A tale of her.

This is a museum of the woman I used to be. A tale of her.

Some days, I really feel like I want to stop using this place to speak, because I speak, I am constantly vocal, but I don’t need to do it here.

Remember a few years ago, when this place used to say “I do speak a lot” by means of pictures or plain words written all over? I still do. I speak a lot, but my voice is different. I am different.

I think it’s been 4 years since Ringo-ish started dying and I’ve been every day more and more comfortable with the idea of letting it go. Maybe you all, (whomever is reading this) saw it coming before I did, but it’s not as if I was unaware of it. I am just not the same anymore.

I started this blog as a collection of memories I needed to keep from the limitations of my mere humanity.

“Age just reveals the facts that always were. Experience uncovers the you that always was.”

I think that’s a quote from Welcome to Nightvale, and a quite proper one for that matter. i’ve always been this.

A couple of months ago I was writing on my journal about an epiphany I’ve had. The last 6 years have been hard and great. I’ve been through hell only to understand the person I am, to accept the feelings and complexities I have towards myself, and I am now able to look back and feel fine about it all.

I feel like a better human, in a deeply rooted sense of self, and through that, I also feel like a better friend, a better girlfriend, a better *role of action*. Any action.

I am in love, deeply and intensely in love, and I am happy about a lot of things in my life, as well as unhappy about a myriad of nuisances.

And I feel this place as foreign and old.

I want to continue writing, and I constantly think of things to say and ideas to share, but I might not do it here anymore. If I am correct, I own ThePonicorn.com and I might continue doing it there, and I am not even sure of when that’s going to happen, but I am ok.

This place, will remain the museum and the testament that it is. It won’t go anywhere, if you ever feel curious.

But I will. I’ll go somewhere.

I started this place about 9 years ago thinking “keep it always positive” and  I think for the most I’ve done that, I’ve talked about my depression in the past years with and upbeat attitude, I’ve talked about me being sad, knowing well that, within time, I’ll be better.

And i’ve been better.

I’ve been better for a while.

Colors of my life…

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Pink is my favorite color… Along with grey, and together they make me cheerful and happy. I love pink, but there’s nothing like a good grey. I love grey.

True fact is, that if you ever see me wearing a turquoise shirt, chances are, I slept wearing that. I don’t even know why, but it has become my favorite color to sleep in. My bedspread is turquoise, my blanket is turquoise. It soothes me.

Green and blue are the colors of my pictures. My favorite shades, my favorite tints…

Yellow is the color of my walls. All of my walls. I am surrounded.

Red is a color too elegant to wear.

Firma

Quotes from Breakfast at Tiffany’s

I recently finished reading Truman Capote’s Breakfast at Tiffany’s, and while I didn’t exactly loved the book, and as much as it is not the most quotable, I found some pretty good gems there, I am willing to share with you guys, hence, here you have…

Breakfast at Tiffany’s most quotable quotes

(With a briefing by yourstruly)

For things to come out right, you need to want to do them… and I didn’t.

Holly Golightly when asked why she dumped the chance of becoming a famous actress.

I’d rather have cancer than a dishonest heart (…) You can sometimes die of cancer, from the other, all the time.

Holly when talking about her lifestyle and the extremes she would go just to be happy.

To read this kind of letters, one must always wear lipstick

Miss Golightly, just about to read the letter in which her then boyfriend leaves her.

I am terribly scared, boy. Yeah, finally. Cause this could go on forever. This thing of not knowing something is yours, until you throw it away.

After she releasing her cat on an alley thinking it was never hers, and afterwards realizing it was actually the only thing that was trully her.

From all of them, my favorite is the one about the dishonest heart. I am not a fan of Holly Golightly, as she is kind of a universal icon for the quirky girls (Quirky Girls and Nice Guys are two of my most hated gender based social stereotypes, but that’s a story for another day), but the book was kind of interesting, and really short not to read it on its entirety, also, once the initial “OMG, that’s me!!” that comes with every quirky girl story finally vanished, I could focus a bit more on the actual story.

I am really looking forward watching the movie.

Things I’ve read since I finished with this one?  Coraline – Neil Gaiman, Minority Report  – Philip K. Dick, and I am currently reading Invisible Monsters – Chuck Palahniuk.

I’m ok.

I am ok with many things that are happening in my life right now. With thought and actions and fear and worries.

Even with other people’s expectations, with other people’s inhability to tell me something is bothering them about me. It’s fine, it’s not my job to please them, my job is to do my best to be happy, and theirs is to take care of their own happiness. I am no one’s mom, not even my own, and I’m glad. You should too.

I am ok with the way things have been developing so far, cause I know, something big and dandy is about to happen, and I am just dying for it to get here. Everything is more than fine, and I just need to stick to the plan.

Big things, big changes and decision.

Love,

 

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