A tale of her.

This is a museum of the woman I used to be. A tale of her.

Some days, I really feel like I want to stop using this place to speak, because I speak, I am constantly vocal, but I don’t need to do it here.

Remember a few years ago, when this place used to say “I do speak a lot” by means of pictures or plain words written all over? I still do. I speak a lot, but my voice is different. I am different.

I think it’s been 4 years since Ringo-ish started dying and I’ve been every day more and more comfortable with the idea of letting it go. Maybe you all, (whomever is reading this) saw it coming before I did, but it’s not as if I was unaware of it. I am just not the same anymore.

I started this blog as a collection of memories I needed to keep from the limitations of my mere humanity.

“Age just reveals the facts that always were. Experience uncovers the you that always was.”

I think that’s a quote from Welcome to Nightvale, and a quite proper one for that matter. i’ve always been this.

A couple of months ago I was writing on my journal about an epiphany I’ve had. The last 6 years have been hard and great. I’ve been through hell only to understand the person I am, to accept the feelings and complexities I have towards myself, and I am now able to look back and feel fine about it all.

I feel like a better human, in a deeply rooted sense of self, and through that, I also feel like a better friend, a better girlfriend, a better *role of action*. Any action.

I am in love, deeply and intensely in love, and I am happy about a lot of things in my life, as well as unhappy about a myriad of nuisances.

And I feel this place as foreign and old.

I want to continue writing, and I constantly think of things to say and ideas to share, but I might not do it here anymore. If I am correct, I own ThePonicorn.com and I might continue doing it there, and I am not even sure of when that’s going to happen, but I am ok.

This place, will remain the museum and the testament that it is. It won’t go anywhere, if you ever feel curious.

But I will. I’ll go somewhere.

I started this place about 9 years ago thinking “keep it always positive” and  I think for the most I’ve done that, I’ve talked about my depression in the past years with and upbeat attitude, I’ve talked about me being sad, knowing well that, within time, I’ll be better.

And i’ve been better.

I’ve been better for a while.

The girl and 15 Books (Part 2)

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A couple of days ago I shared with you 5 of my 15 most favorite books, which included wonderful gems such as Of Scars and Star Dust by Andrea Hannah and Before you sleep by the ever wonderful Linn Ullmann.

Tell me, my sweethearts, have you had the chance to read any of my previous suggestions?

This is Part two of my fabulous list.

The Ponicorn’s 15 favorite books

(books that changed, defined and facinated me)

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  1. Virgin Suicides -Jeffrey Eugenides
    virgin-suicidesI was fascinated by the story ever since I first watch the movie in the early 2000’s. I was even obsessed with Air – Playground love for a while. The book is mesmerizing and I think movie perfectly portrays all the emotions conveyed by the story. I felt it, I felt the times, I felt the sadness, I fell in love with the Lisbon girls as much as the neighborhood guys did, and I felt the sadness and long-lasting memory of their death (Spoiler alert? I don’t know, the title itself talks about suicide, it’s barely a surprise). Real Story? When I was a teen I was surrounded by suicide. I had several friend who attempted it, a distant relative committed it, even I flirted with it; so the story hit close to home.
  2. Delirio – Laura Restrepodelirio
    If you hadn’t notice yet, a lot of my favorite books have characters dealing with mental illness. Either depression, or something else. This is a story dealing with “Something Else”. You never really fully understand what happens to Agustina, or at least it’s never explicitly stated, but this is a sort of more modern tale of magical-realism, developing during Pablo Escobar’s Colombia. It tells the story of Aguilar, an older man  married to Agustina, a very emotionally and mentally troubled woman, the way they live and chose to face her struggle. I enjoy the way all the characters are portrayed, how honest they are on their perspective of their particular circumstances, how helpless they seem when faced with situations they can’t control, how overwhelming those are.
  3. The painter of the modern life and other essays – Charles Baudalaire
    9780306802799-uk-300I read this as an assignment when I was studying in college about 7 years ago, and I fell in love with it. Of course, the intrinsically poetic style used by Baudelaire is entirely responsible for it. This essay deals with the general notion of dandism, in a way that is humane, unapologetic, sensualist and provocatively astute. I’ve always said that I don’t really enjoy being forced to read, so whenever I’ve been in that place, I tend to skip it, or If i can’t, at least just skim through it (I’m not an example to follow), however, this might be the only one I’ve actually taken the time to read and actually enjoyed. If I had to translate the whole documentative experience that this essay entails to a more modern narrative, I think it would keep its fresh approach, while at the same time fitting perfectly as a description of the millennial generation. Time is cyclic, my friends.
  4. Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austenpride_and_prejudice_book_cover_by_fourblackbirds-d533108
    I’ve always been into Pride and Prejudice in its many different representations, whether it’s YouTube series, movie, book or even as an influence for other stories (Hello Bridget Jones), and I think I’ve talked about it extensively in the past. This is a beautiful story, told in a simple and clean way, you can completely see the time’s idea of romance, what a woman’s life was like, and you can even perceive a proto-feminism in Elizabeth (though the time is not right for it to be called proto-feminism, but still, I think it was too avant-garde for the time), and I even think, Elizabeth mirrored Jane Austen’s own ideas of what a virtuous woman should be to, first get self-respect, and then, social status, not because of her social position or wealth, but because of her intelligence and bravery.
  5. Memnoch, the devil – Anne Rice
    memnochthedevilWhen I was barely starting into the whole blog thing, there was this huge wave of girls who found (as I did) the idea of keeping an online journal very appealing, around that time, for a reason i’ve never quite understood, one of the books that was really in style to read, was Interview with the Vampire. I read it (of course) even though I casually read it about 1 month before getting into the whole blogging thing, and not only that, I actually continued reading the whole saga (I think I might have missed a couple of the most recent ones). Anyway, my favorite one of the whole collection was Memnoch, the Devil; the story deals with Lestat, Vampire Chronicles’ golden prince, and its encounter with the devil (THE actual devil), and how through a kind of biblical reinterpretation. Biblical Fanfiction If you prefer to call it like that, the story ends with a big public unveiling of the powers that be, that kind of threw me off, but

The choice for Part 2 is a little less Young Adult, and a little more varied; though, as I’ve said in the past post, don’t be fooled just because something is marketed as YA, there are good stories to be told there.

Speaking of telling stories, NaNoWriMo is currently running (It’s november guys!) Are you taking part of it? I might be a little behind and I’m actually not thinking about winning, but I’m writing a very weird story. I might share a bit in the future, if I feel it moves in the right direction.

Love,

Firma

Using Clear to manage my expenses

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Clear is an App for iOS, if I am correct, it’s about $4.99, but those are the best I’ve spent in the AppStore. I have the app synchronized in both my iPad and iPhone,but even though you can have it on the Mac, I don’t really use it there.

Anyway, Clear is an app to make lists, and that on itself sounds pretty simple. I’ve used it in many different ways, as a “Books to read” and “Books to buy”, as a “Shopping list” and my favorite, as my “Monthly expenses”. All of these are basically lists with different purposes, and with a different rotation.

I’ve been using this system to keep control of my finances, of the bills I have to pay, and in general the money I have left to spare. It may be very simple, but now, I’m going to show you how to do it!

First of all, I get paid bi-monthly, so I log all of my monthly expenses along with their corresponding amount , and then, I cross the ones that I am planning on taking care of during the second part of the month.

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After this, I am left with the list of my current expenses. I can write reminders for each one, so I can remember the day I need to pay for them. Just be careful, cause if you’re planning on recycling the list for every month , the reminders will not reset. You have two options, 1- you reset them every time, or 2- don’t use them, and instead order your expenses by how urgent they are for you.

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What I always try to do is take care of everything as soon as possible, and then everything that’s left is mine to spend as I want. Once an element is covered, I swipe it to the right, it gets crossed, and moved to my inactive list.

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After the first part of the month comes by, I go back to my crossed elements, and swipe them to the right and bring them back to my active list. Once there, I sort them again and it starts again.

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This is basically it. It may be really simple, but it has helped me a lot to take control of my expenses. Also, one of the things that I really like about this app, is that you can use the colors to indicate the importance of the item.

I hope it helps you!!

Firma

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