This is a museum of the woman I used to be. A tale of her.
Some days, I really feel like I want to stop using this place to speak, because I speak, I am constantly vocal, but I don’t need to do it here.
Remember a few years ago, when this place used to say “I do speak a lot” by means of pictures or plain words written all over? I still do. I speak a lot, but my voice is different. I am different.
I think it’s been 4 years since Ringo-ish started dying and I’ve been every day more and more comfortable with the idea of letting it go. Maybe you all, (whomever is reading this) saw it coming before I did, but it’s not as if I was unaware of it. I am just not the same anymore.
I started this blog as a collection of memories I needed to keep from the limitations of my mere humanity.
“Age just reveals the facts that always were. Experience uncovers the you that always was.”
I think that’s a quote from Welcome to Nightvale, and a quite proper one for that matter. i’ve always been this.
A couple of months ago I was writing on my journal about an epiphany I’ve had. The last 6 years have been hard and great. I’ve been through hell only to understand the person I am, to accept the feelings and complexities I have towards myself, and I am now able to look back and feel fine about it all.
I feel like a better human, in a deeply rooted sense of self, and through that, I also feel like a better friend, a better girlfriend, a better *role of action*. Any action.
I am in love, deeply and intensely in love, and I am happy about a lot of things in my life, as well as unhappy about a myriad of nuisances.
And I feel this place as foreign and old.
I want to continue writing, and I constantly think of things to say and ideas to share, but I might not do it here anymore. If I am correct, I own ThePonicorn.com and I might continue doing it there, and I am not even sure of when that’s going to happen, but I am ok.
This place, will remain the museum and the testament that it is. It won’t go anywhere, if you ever feel curious.
But I will. I’ll go somewhere.
I started this place about 9 years ago thinking “keep it always positive” and I think for the most I’ve done that, I’ve talked about my depression in the past years with and upbeat attitude, I’ve talked about me being sad, knowing well that, within time, I’ll be better.
And i’ve been better.
I’ve been better for a while.