Who knows?

Thing is, I’ve also been kind of sad. Very fucking sad to be precise. It’s been a while since i didn’t get this sad, actually, Almost a year I would say. I’ve been sad before in the past year, but, not this sad, this is a special kind of sad I can’t contain within myself…

Bummer.

The title from this entry is a direct translation from a post I wrote about years ago on an old blog that is still floating around Click here if you feel curious. It’s not a big deal, just me, reflecting on life. This is the direct post it came from. I can’t even remember what got me that sad, but reading it back, got me thinking a bit. Actually I do remember what got me sad, and feeling sad right now has a distant relation with that.

I am trying to recover. I just wanted to let you know I am ok. I need to manifest.

- K

Hey hey!

Everyone who knows me, knows I own a damn lot of clothes, shoes and bags (I have 2 full closets back in my house, and another full at my mom’s). I love most of my clothes, t-shirts, and skirts, but I am also aware that over time I’ve accumulated a bunch of things that are neither flattering, nor my style.

At this moment, I’m going through a major life cleanse, and I want this to be reflected in all aspects of my life. I need to get the energy flowing, and all of this mess and clutter is not letting me move on. I need to get rid of all the things that keep me too attached to my past. That’s why I decided to do the following:

1. Clean all of my closets of all the things I either don’t wear or don’t like. (This also goes for other things like 2 netbook sleeves that I never used – I’d never owned a netbook -, books, accessories and whatnot).
2. Take pictures of each and every single item.
3. Set up a couple of facebook albums, compiling everything .
4. And sell it off. Prices will go as low as $10 (mexican pesos)
5. Anything that is not sold, will be donated. But really, consider buying something.

So, if you know me, know my clothes, bags and everything, and want to get your hands on a particular item you like, ASK FOR IT!! I might be selling it! Wanna know about some of the things that will go online?

• A bunch of my SuicideGirls items (my old school hoodie is going, some t-shirts, a calendar with illustrations by Rion Vernon and maybe some stickers)
• Designer shoes I never wore
• Vintage Purses
• and more!

I think I’ll be ready to set it up around February 1st., so, check it all about that time.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before? 
I started my online Magazine. ParteFORMA has become my baby, and I love to work on it every single day finding new ways to improve it.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? 
I started the year with actual resolutions, which is weird, cause I normally just have general goals. I kept some. I’m still working on the rest. But there are at least two, i didn’t include in my list here, that took me forever to actually work on, but I did, and made me feel proud of myself

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? 
Yes!! Karina! She had a beautiful girl named Regina

4. Did anyone close to you die? 
yes, a friend passed away.

5. What countries did you visit? 
Sadly, I didn’t leave the country this year.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011? 
Self-awareness.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? 
Ahm… I think my 2nd anniversary with the boy, my birthday, the small party my friends organized for me (and the super awesome cake Dafne baked) and my boyfriend’s birthday.

In case you wonder, yes, it's Charmander, and yes, it says "I'm the Swan Queen"

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? 
Starting ParteFORMA and having such a great acceptance from everyone.

9. What was your biggest failure? 
I managed to postpone something I had to do for almost the whole year. I finally started working on it a few weeks ago.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? 
Laryngitis.

11. What was the best thing you bought? 
My Ipad, I swear, I love it almost as much as I love my laptop

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? 
My boyfriend’s. This man is so amazing, and he proved this to me time after time this year.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? 
Mine… I did some pretty stupid things this year

14. Where did most of your money go? 
Stupid things…bills… this was a rough year

15. What did you get really excited about? 
My boyfriend and the cats

16. What song will always remind you of 2011? 
God Help Me – Emilie Autumn

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: 
Happier, poorer, and more optimistic.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? 
Traveled more, saved more, studied more.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? 
Ate candies… yes…

20. How did you spend Christmas? 
PENDING

21. Did you fall in love in 2011? 
I was already in love. I love the boyfriend.

22. What was your favorite TV program? 
PRETTY LITTLE LIARS!! I can’t wait for the liars to come back in January!!

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? 
No, I don’t hate anyone… People just make me sad.

24. What was the best book you read? 
NP – Banana Yoshimoto

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? 
Madoka’s Soundtrack. I SWEAR!!!

26. What did you want and get?
Ipad. Another Cat.

27. What did you want and not get? 
Self-control. I was close.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? 
V for vendetta was damn awesome.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 
I started the day with the boy, then I went to the movies with a friend. It wasn’t a big deal, but I understood a lot of things that day.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If I had worked on something from the very beginning.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011? 
dressy as in dress….

32. What kept you sane? 
my cat, my boy and my friends.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? 
Lady Gaga.

34. What political issue stirred you the most? 
I hate politics, but still.. my country is a mess..

35. Who did you miss?
My Granma…. My god, how do I miss her.

36. Who was the best new person you met? 
Nancy Lara… Lots of possibilities.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
I want things more than I am afraid of them

I’m sorry I’ve ever said I liked The smiths because I don’t.

A few months ago, almost after watching (500) days of summer, I read this article on Thought Catalog about these bands everyone says they like, but everyone is lying. I remember reading about Radiohead, and The Pixies. Oh, and The Smiths. Back then, I didn’t really get why, I mean, I didn’t like (500) days of summer, but the music is kind of awesome, in a sense that correctly appeals to the nostalgia of their target generation, and it works pretty dandy in that way,  and listening to that soundtrack, made me want to check on more on The Smiths.

I rarely if ever listen to music on my laptop, even though I spent a huge amount of time in front of it (that’s how it is, kids) so as soon as I got this “best of…” record with 20-something tracks I uploaded it to my iPod.

That was about 6 or so months ago. I enjoyed listening to them while riding the bus, in school, while drawing, waiting in the bank. But then I took a trip to the beach, and had to ride a bus for about 8 hours, sunbathe, and prance around with an iPod full of Lady Gaga, Emilie Autumn (both of them, I love) and, yes, The Smiths.

In a way, I think The Smiths are perfect for (500) days of summer. Both of them are super overrated, both of them serve of no purpose but to perpetuate the false believe that people, specially 20-somethings never learn, they love to repeat patterns and have no will to change, or improve as human beings, cause someone eventually will love them for all their rights and flaws, specially their flaws. Love and Life don’t work that way.

Both the movie and the band perpetuate the stereotype of a lazy generation. And I’m ashamed of it, because I consider myself part of that generation and I can testify, it’s not the rule.

I won’t lie. I like one or two songs, “There is a light that never goes out” was a revelation in a moment of sadness, but being honest, when you listen to them while generally having a good time in life, they are uncomfortable to listen. Kind of like when you’re in a room full of people you don’t know, and you can’t figure out what to do with your hands. It only helped me see people (including myself) like to feel sad, and they (including me) like to wallow in self-pity for as long as possible. And that is something I’ve strove to avoid. And then it hit me The Smiths are stopping me from moving on as a human being.

I do not want to take pleasure in self-loathing.

Love,

A few months ago i was joking with my boyfriend about using this picture of Katamari to make Holiday cards and mail them to my family and friends saying “The Aminoacid Family is wishing you happy holidays!” Well, that’s pretty much what it says.

It was a bit short noticed, and I didn’t actually mail them, more like posting it on Facebook and tagging the living hell out of my friends there. But I had fun doing it.

P.S. Just so you know, my cat is not really wearing a hat. I totally tricked you, ha!

Maybe what I just said is all trash, but, I’ve seen it happen with Gala Darling, and other bloggers/vloggers. Also, this is the undeniable sign that I am literally nothing online.

Way to go, me!

P.S. Just to clarify, this is not the only thing I’ve discovered. Her blog is really something, and I’ve had a great time reading it.

How awesome is it, that whenever you type “Ponicorn Princess” into google, you mostly get results redirecting you to me?

This is stupid, but it made my day.

Oh, and yes, in case you notice: I am stalking Molly McAleer, ok no, but I have mad respect for this lady and I love her blogs. I am checking my horoscope, and my Ringo soulmate’s blog, Henar Torinos.

One day I’ll tell you guy about Henar, we met thanks to our Shiina Ringo Love and we even have the same tattoo. She’s mad talented, and i love her work.

Love,

Arroba

My boyfriend always says that there are some kitten you love and all, and there are some
kittens you have a special connection with. Arroba, was the first I ever experiences this special connection with.

I cat-napped her from a house near my ex-boy’s place at the time. actually, this picture right here is the first one I ever snatched of her. That at the background was her home. She was a Lady, and I swear to god, she was the coolest, toughest lady, she literally made dogs back off, I’m not lying here. She ran away one day, and I was devastated for about it. I got a tattoo in her memory. I still feel sad when I think about her, and I still have her old collar, and even though I have needed it sometimes, I’ve refused to let any other of my kittens wear it. Ever. She has a very special place in my heart.

Arroz

Right after Arroba left my life, I decided not to get another pet. Ever. Having pets was too painful for me to bear. Until one day, about 1 year later, I decided i would look for a new kitten, and I found this babe right here. Sweetest and puffiest kitten ever. We spent about a year together, but we got to love each other deeply. I always felt he was kind of human, and looked at me as if I was his mother. Real mother. He cried until I picked him up, and even caressed my face with his paws (yes, yucks, but hey! you don’t get to choose how your kittens show their affection) He had a olfative problems, and sometimes couldn’t really pick up my smell after I’ve spent some time with other people. He was never aggressive, he was the chillest cat ever. He ran away, and I got to see him in the street a couple of times, but my baby could never pick my smell again, so I could never bring him back home.

Katamari

Katamari is one of my current kittens, she’s kind of awesome in her own way. She’s super chill, super loving, and super tiny, the last one, mostly due to the life she lived before I rescued her. She has the coolest fur, and does the coolest tricks. She loves people, but she can only handle one or two of my friends at a time, if there’s a crowd, even if she has hung out with them before she’s gonna take a nap in my bed. She loves to go out wearing a leash cause she is also very afraid of cars. I first decided to adopt her, cause my boyfriend and I had been talking about adopting a cat together, both of us being cat people. I rescued her from a pet store where she was being mistreated. I like to think i’m giving her a pretty good life. Besides all of my friends think she’s super cute.

Cilantro

This is my new baby. Ever since I got Katamari, I’ve been thinking about getting another cat to keep her company. We tried to bring Anchoa into the family, but Katamari, being the super alfa she is, rejected him. Then, one day, I bumped into Cilantro. This little kid copped with Kata’s temper for about 4 weeks, and earned his place in the family. He’s messy as no other cat, but awesomely cute. I think they are getting along now.

That’s it, these are the kitties I have pictures of. I left out other babies such as Gabocho, my very first cat, Merle, a cat that was given to me by a ex-boyfriend, Camarlengo, a baby that lived with me for about 3 days and Anchoa, the kitten that tried to be Katamari’s brother but failed. These, are the real deal. I hope you enjoyed looking at my  babies. I surely enjoyed looking at their pics.

While checking them on, I also found this:

Cute, huh? I just love it!

I’ve been having some troubles writing here, mostly because anything that has been happening in my life lately, is either too personal for me to share, or too boring for you to read. Either way, I’m here.

Last week I started going to psycho-therapy to deal with some issues I’ve had in the back of my head the last few years. Last week the whole deal was about me talking and explaining to the kind lady who’s helping me, why I felt I needed to be there and what I expected to get out of the whole experience.

I got some pretty harsh reality checks that day, and I spent the majority of my week trying to figure out how I felt about the whole thing.

As of Saturday I was feeling pretty good, not that I was particularly bad at any point, I was just a bit shaken, I mean, who wouldn’t? I’ve been trying to turn my life around for as long as I can remember, which could pretty much be summarized as my entire adult life, and if you think about it, it’s kind of sad that I had not been able to overcome things as unhealthy relationships and stuff.

But anyway, saturday night was the right moment, as I was already feeling confident, and happy, I decided I would start taking steps into the life I wanted to have. And I did on sunday. I took the first and kind of scariest one.

I’ve been here before. I’ve done this. This is actually not new in any way. What makes this time different, is that I am not alone. Not that I hadn’t had support before, I have. But it’s hard to get any sort of healthy help when people is biased. It’s ok. Friends are there to be biased.

If you are a close friend of mine, chances are, you already know what I’m talking about. If you are close to me and you don’t know what the heck I’m talking about, please, don’t feel excluded, people who know this, either know it because they’ve been with me right when something had happened, or have bumped with me in a moment of crisis. Otherwise, I just rather not talking about it under any circumstances.

Today, I went into therapy again. I ended up feeling way better than the last time (probably because last week’s reality check was a true revelation and what is left to do is just work on the things that need to be worked on.

I don’t know. I feel a bit overwhelmed right now, but I also feel fine. I’ll let you know whatever happens.

Edited to add: In case you are wondering the title of this post means I actually forgot to write a title. I don’t care and I will leave it like that. It’s suiting.

Love,