It’s been three months
Over hundred days
Since you held my hand
And I miss you in
A thousand ways
Will I ever see you again?
It’s been some really hard 3 months. But I am surviving them, and I am getting over them. At least a bit.
Today I went shopping and to the movies with my favorite Pony ever, Itzel. We watched About Time and even though it was easy to cry with the movie, we didn’t. We’re strong ponies. Whatever it was, we (and for some, I) managed to come up with some conclusions:
- Rachel McAdams is Gorgeous and we love her with every fiber of our hearts. (Do not fret, I am still crushing on Maggie Gyllenhaal, that goes on forever).
- Rachel McAdams always gets proposed by time travelers while she’s sleeping.
- We wouldn’t know what to do if we had the possibilities Tim had. I wouldn’t know. But I’d never had kids.
- It’s a good thing not to have access to internet for a while.
- And the last one is mainly mine, but today, was the first day in almost 3 months that I’ve felt kind of myself. I am actually hopeful, and sort of happy.
Life has been hard for the last 3 months, and I’ve been shying away, in an attempt to not over feel anything. It’s been really difficult and stressful.
I’ve been obsessive, pathetic, insecure, depressed, over dramatic, and generally insufferable. I really don’t know how to be sad. Depression, has been a general state of life for the past 5 years of my life, things have changed, mutated and gotten more and more difficult. I don’t even know where I am or how I’m doing right now, but I feel a little more confident.
There are things that will always make me feel sad and I’ve been kind of ok at handling that. Life can be tough, but so am I. But then there are the last 3 months. I am not ready to discuss whatever happened, I just can’t, but I’ve been talking to humans in the flesh and crying like there’s no tomorrow. For this, I’d like to thank my boss (A), one of my co-workers (R), Itzel, Gelial, Hector, Gunsy and Mafa. With some I’ve talked a lot, with some not so much but the 7 of them helped so much.
About 2 weeks ago, something very intense happened, something that shocked my very core, and something I am yet to decide what to do with. I might decide it this Friday. I might also decide on Tuesday. But as it turns out, something completely different also occurred about 3 days ago. I don’t even know if that will amount to anything at all, but so far, it has changed my perspective on life. I am hopeful, and not only because of the possibilities that are presenting themselves, but because I am actually feeling in control of a lot of things that I felt escaped my hands. I’m going back to myself, and it feels good.
I’ve been saying everywhere that Lights is my current song. You see, I’ve said it before, but I’ve been really reluctant to let my environment get me to over think. I have enough of that on my own. Therefore, the only music I’ve been listening to is Dance music. Blessed be my pony Itzel for introducing Ellie Goulding into my life, cause as it turns out Dance music can contain strong emotions as well (Ain’t it right, Clarity?).
Lights was composed based on Ellie Goulding’s childhood fear of the darkness. And I do tell myself that I’ll be strong and dreaming when they’re gone… Cause they’re calling, calling, calling me home… And I’ll be home.
I’ll try to be here a little more. I need to catch my breath…
P.S. I don’t even know if this is worth reading, but yes… I’m getting better, and I just wanted to share.