A tale of her.

This is a museum of the woman I used to be. A tale of her.

Some days, I really feel like I want to stop using this place to speak, because I speak, I am constantly vocal, but I don’t need to do it here.

Remember a few years ago, when this place used to say “I do speak a lot” by means of pictures or plain words written all over? I still do. I speak a lot, but my voice is different. I am different.

I think it’s been 4 years since Ringo-ish started dying and I’ve been every day more and more comfortable with the idea of letting it go. Maybe you all, (whomever is reading this) saw it coming before I did, but it’s not as if I was unaware of it. I am just not the same anymore.

I started this blog as a collection of memories I needed to keep from the limitations of my mere humanity.

“Age just reveals the facts that always were. Experience uncovers the you that always was.”

I think that’s a quote from Welcome to Nightvale, and a quite proper one for that matter. i’ve always been this.

A couple of months ago I was writing on my journal about an epiphany I’ve had. The last 6 years have been hard and great. I’ve been through hell only to understand the person I am, to accept the feelings and complexities I have towards myself, and I am now able to look back and feel fine about it all.

I feel like a better human, in a deeply rooted sense of self, and through that, I also feel like a better friend, a better girlfriend, a better *role of action*. Any action.

I am in love, deeply and intensely in love, and I am happy about a lot of things in my life, as well as unhappy about a myriad of nuisances.

And I feel this place as foreign and old.

I want to continue writing, and I constantly think of things to say and ideas to share, but I might not do it here anymore. If I am correct, I own ThePonicorn.com and I might continue doing it there, and I am not even sure of when that’s going to happen, but I am ok.

This place, will remain the museum and the testament that it is. It won’t go anywhere, if you ever feel curious.

But I will. I’ll go somewhere.

I started this place about 9 years ago thinking “keep it always positive” and  I think for the most I’ve done that, I’ve talked about my depression in the past years with and upbeat attitude, I’ve talked about me being sad, knowing well that, within time, I’ll be better.

And i’ve been better.

I’ve been better for a while.

Everything…

It’s been three months
Over hundred days
Since you held my hand
And I miss you in
A thousand ways
Will I ever see you again?

– Everything

It’s been some really hard 3 months. But I am surviving them, and I am getting over them. At least a bit.

Today I went shopping and to the movies with my favorite Pony ever, Itzel. We watched About Time and even though it was easy to cry with the movie, we didn’t. We’re strong ponies. Whatever it was, we (and for some, I) managed to come up with some conclusions:

  • Rachel McAdams is Gorgeous and we love her with every fiber of our hearts. (Do not fret, I am still crushing on Maggie Gyllenhaal, that goes on forever).
  • Rachel McAdams always gets proposed by time travelers while she’s sleeping.
  • We wouldn’t know what to do if we had the possibilities Tim had. I wouldn’t know. But I’d never had kids.
  • It’s a good thing not to have access to internet for a while.
  • And the last one is mainly mine, but today, was the first day in almost 3 months that I’ve felt kind of myself. I am actually hopeful, and sort of happy.

Life has been hard for the last 3 months, and I’ve been shying away, in an attempt to not over feel anything. It’s been really difficult and stressful.

I’ve been obsessive, pathetic, insecure, depressed, over dramatic, and generally insufferable.  I really don’t know how to be sad. Depression, has been a general state of life for the past 5 years of my life, things have changed, mutated and gotten more and more difficult. I don’t even know where I am or how I’m doing right now, but I feel a little more confident.

There are things that will always make me feel sad and I’ve been kind of ok at handling that. Life can be tough, but so am I.  But then there are the last 3 months. I am not ready to discuss whatever happened, I just can’t, but I’ve been talking to humans in the flesh and crying like there’s no tomorrow. For this, I’d like to thank my boss (A), one of my co-workers (R), Itzel, Gelial, Hector, Gunsy and Mafa. With some I’ve talked a lot, with some not so much but the 7 of them helped so much.

About 2 weeks ago, something very intense happened, something that shocked my very core, and something I am yet to decide what to do with. I might decide it this Friday. I might also decide on Tuesday. But as it turns out, something completely different also occurred about 3 days ago. I don’t even know if that will amount to anything at all, but so far, it has changed my perspective on life. I am hopeful, and not only because of the possibilities that are presenting themselves, but because I am actually feeling in control of a lot of things that I felt escaped my hands. I’m going back to myself, and it feels good.

I’ve been saying everywhere that Lights is my current song. You see, I’ve said it before, but I’ve been really reluctant to let my environment get me to over think. I have enough of that on my own. Therefore, the only music I’ve been listening to is Dance music. Blessed be my pony Itzel for introducing Ellie Goulding into my life, cause as it turns out Dance music can contain strong emotions as well (Ain’t it right, Clarity?).

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Lights was composed based on Ellie Goulding’s childhood fear of the darkness. And I do tell myself that I’ll be strong and dreaming when they’re gone… Cause they’re calling, calling, calling me home… And I’ll be home.

I’ll try to be here a little more. I need to catch my breath…

Firma

P.S. I don’t even know if this is worth reading, but yes… I’m getting better, and I just wanted to share.

 

Ponidays are upon us… (A Guide!)

NOTE: Reposting this, cause it’s that time of the year…

Yes, I tried to mix the words Holidays and Pony to make them sound more like me, and kind of failed miserably…

But still, a few days ago, I was checking my December entries from previous years, and I decided to make a little compilation on X-mas and holidays related posts I’ve done, along with some other kind of useful posts and topics. So here you go: The ultimate Pony guide for the holidays.

Guides

Your Ringo-ish guide to survive the holidays (x-mas edition) – I wrote this back in 2009, but it’s still current, and it’s still a helpful guide for making it through the high profile festivities without going crazy.

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My daily Moleskine – A few years ago, I pulled together this tutorial on how to customize a pocket moleskine into a planner, GTD kind of thing. It’s a bit of work, but still really worth it, if you hate how the conventional planners are organized and you’d like to fix yourself with your own spaces. This year I don’t think I am going to do this from the very beginning, but I am taking a moleskine planner  and then I am customizing it a bit into something similar to this. I’ll let you guys know.

Questionnaires

The year in questions – 37 questions related to the year that’s just ending. Pro-tip: Answer this after christmas.

The best of… – straight forward questions highlighting the best of the year that’s just ending.

Both of these questionnaires are great and simple ways to make quick retrospectives of the year.

Goals

I am not one to tell you how to make and keep your goals, cause quite frankly I’m kind of an expert at not doing it, but still over the years, I’ve always liked to write down whatever I want to achieve during the upcoming year.

What are you planning for 2011? – If you’d like a bit of inspiration, here you have the list of goals and plans I did for 2011; a brief explanation on how I organize them, how I remind myself of them, a couple of techniques I use for internalizing them.

The 88 days project – This is a similar thing based on the fact that every 88 days the cells of your body are completely new cells than the ones forming you 88 earlier, therefore making you a whole new person. I still think it’s a neat way of renewing yourself and accepting new challenges every 88 days.

Gratefulness

This is something that I like to do, but hadn’t really picked it as a habit yet.

I constantly make these lists called Love List for the Ponicorn Soul, which pretty much are thankful lists for the things I love the most about my life. I started them as a way to remind myself of the good things going on in my life when I get depressed, but I think I might as well just write one at least once a month in the future.

LOVE

Also, I think I might write one of those for the whole year that is ending. If you want to do the same, up here you have a link to a specific list, but if you need a bit more inspiration, you can always check the Love List tag, as I sometimes make lists that won’t precisely fall in the Love List for the Ponicorn soul format, but still pretty much cover the same concept.

Websites to use

Good Reads – If you’re a reader, every year they organize a reading challenge, You set your own number of books you’d like to read. Next year I am going to 52!

Unfuck Your Habitat

UFYH – Short for Unfuck your habitat. As their slogan indicates: Terrifying motivation for lazy people with messy homes. If your room/home could use a little cleaning and organizing, this is the place to go. Hundreds of tips and techniques on how to start and remain organized.

Running for beginners – I am big on running, and even though I kind of dropped it for the year, I really want to pick it back. The first time I started doing it, this is the method I used. This link is full with a complete guide on how to go from 0 to 25 min running, videos on how to properly stretch, guides to buy good running shoes, etc.

In Class – Though not really a website, but an app for organizing your schedule, notes and homework. Incredibly useful if I say so myself. Sadly, it’s only available for IPad/IPhone.

And I am still on the search of a decent website or app for this, but just as I did during 2011, I am again doing a 52 movies a year challenge. I’ll have it  up on the tabs here for you to see as soon as I start.

Well, that’s it. It took me a bit to compose, but this is my guide for starting 2013, I hope you enjoy it and find it useful. You’ll see me posting a bit more about all these things in the following days.

Lots of holiday love!

Firma

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